Folly of the Faithful Canine

Book Review: The Wee Free Men

2026-05-24T01:44:38Z

As planned, I finished this novel right on my birthday. I knew to expect humor from Terry Pratchett, but I didn't realize it had a Discworld setting. Apparently, the titular characters had a role in Snuff too minor to mention in a synopsis or remember after 13 years.

( Cut for length )

My next read will be a new birthday present. I'm thinking Six Wakes by Mur Lafferty.

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T. rex Time Warp

2026-03-21T22:07:59Z

A T. rex chased a stegosaur until the latter said,
“Excuse me: By the time that you exist, I should be dead.
My era’s late Jurassic, whereas yours is late Cretaceous.
By eighty million years, I must predate you; that’s veracious.”

Now, T. rex brains are larger than traditionally thought,
But this one got confused and thus responded, “I think not.
You herbivores do not engage in larger-game predation.
You might just be voracious, but you’d better know your station.”

The stegosaurus rolled her eyes and patiently replied,
“Well, let me put it this way: Our temporal gap is wide.
Your period is closer to the Information Age
Of humans than to mine, so would you kindly disengage?”

A moment passed, and then the T. rex said, “I see your point.
Apologies; I don’t know how I got so out of joint.”
With that, the hunter turned around and ran the other way
To chase and munch on humans from the modern present day.

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Book Review: First Among Sequels

2025-09-04T00:59:34Z

Despite the title's implication, this is the fifth Thursday Next novel, not the second. That said, it reportedly kicks off a second series. While published in 2007, only 2 years after the previous entry, it's set 14 years later, in 2002.

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My next read is A Sorceress Comes to Call by T. Kingfisher, whom I recently discovered is Ursula Vernon. I've been enjoying her Hamster Princess kid lit (not reviewed here), so now I'll try a darker fairy tale take.

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Book Review: Electric Barracuda: A Novel

2024-10-31T01:31:34Z

I had never heard of Tim Dorsey until I saw several of his books in a comic book store. The clerk clarified that they were his own, not for sale. Then he lent me one without me asking. I gratefully made a point to finish within the month.

( Cut for length )

My next read is Throne of the Crescent Moon by Saladin Ahmed. Finally getting back into outright fantasy. And author diversity.

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Book Review: The Flying Inn

2022-08-21T00:17:04Z

This was my first G.K. Chesterton novel in two years and my first hardcopy one in nine. It feels closer to Tales of the Long Bow than to anything else I've read of his, but it's still quite distinct.

( Cut for length )

Next up is Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson. This cyberpunk sounds more up my alley than Neuromancer.

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deckardcanine @ 2022-08-20T18:06:00

2022-08-20T22:07:32Z

The Style Invitational didn't publish my previous poetic effort, but I'm taking a chance on the new contest: a limerick featuring a word that starts with "hi."

A gentleman wearing Versace
Ate with gusto and got it all splotchy.
In a hurry, he tried
Using water and dried
It most foolishly—with a hibachi.

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Lio

2022-08-08T03:29:17Z

Recently, I heard Duran Duran's "Rio." Then I made up new words:

Going back to school now, boy, you’re a terror in disguise.
Bringing shrunken heads? I don’t think that’s very wise.
With a snake in your bed as you sleep through the night, you dream up mayhem quite diverse.
You know you’re something special, and I think it’s for the worse.

CHORUS: His name is Lio, and he’s one eccentric kid.
His main companion is a huge, land-dwelling squid.
He’s always doing things authorities forbid.
Oh, Lio, Lio, do you see what you just did?

I’ve seen you in a lab, and I’ve seen you out in space.
You lead kids to their deaths, if not the human race,
With the Reaper or a giant beast.
But then, I’m sure that your friends could use a feast.

CHORUS

Hey, now, woo, look at that; did young Eva shoot you down?
With the things you contrive to make her your wife,
You’re lucky you’re alive, alive, alive!
Don’t take that chance, ‘cause she won’t take your side
For nothing. I know what you’re thinkin’,
But she’d sooner go join your kitten in drinkin’.

CHORUS

His name is Lio, and it’s hard to guess his age.
He deals with characters across the comics page.
Most folks react to him with fear, disgust, or rage.
All of his friends belong within a tomb or cage.

Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo…

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deckardcanine @ 2022-07-24T22:55:00

2022-07-25T02:57:23Z

The latest Style Invitational contest calls for short poems that intentionally misuse a word in a funny way. I considered using "bespoke" with regard to bicycle wheels, but that was hard to work out. Here's what I submitted instead:

I used to opt for tuna fish
When I’d prepare a certain dish,
But now it’s haddock that gets fried.
My recipe’s been codified.

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Onocentaur

2022-07-03T02:27:38Z

The Style Invitational asks for short poems or Q&A jokes featuring words from the latest National Spelling Bee, due Tuesday. I poked around the list until a fifth-round entry grabbed me.

The Middle Ages bestiaries often would include
The Greek-named onocentaur. It’s inevitably viewed
As nothing but a centaur with the horselike side replaced
With donkey parts and sometimes only two legs. What a waste
Of scholars’ ink and parchment (am I sounding like a jerk?).
Whoever made this creature really did some half-assed work.

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Skippy's List

2022-05-30T03:17:32Z

Out on the Balkan Peninsula,
One Specialist Schwarz was assigned
To create propaganda-type posters,
Which bored him right out of his mind.

When the Yugoslav Wars had concluded,
He published online a whole list
Of more than 200 examples
Of actions he’d have to desist.

In fairness, he hadn’t done all of them.
A bunch he’d just heard of or seen.
Superiors sometimes forewarned him
In case he was feeling so mean.

I doubt any man in the Army
Could do all without getting dismissed.
While the page where he posted has folded,
Several fans have preserved Skippy’s List.

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deckardcanine @ 2022-05-07T21:53:00

2022-05-08T01:57:09Z

I struck out in the Triple Crown breeding contest. Let's hope I do better with the grandfoals. That contest is open until the 16th, so you may yet enter it as I have. Just don't use any of my submissions:

Dead Gunfighter x Veto Corleone = Don Holliday
Erupt to No Good x Sweeney Toad = Croakatoa
Fat Man x Let’s Go Brandin’ = Let’s Go Brando
Missing Everything x The Very Model! = Heidi Klumsy
Nicholson Dimes x Via Gra = Hard Cash
Pig Penn x Stars and Strops = Jillette Razor
The Wee People x Via Gra = Hobbit-Firming

(Thanks to my parents for talking me out of three weaker entries.)

ADDENDUM: I got an honorable mention for Heidi Klumsy. In her letter, the judge said Croakatoa also made the short list.

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Foal Names

2022-04-17T01:36:22Z

Yup, I entered the very next Style Invitational contest. Unlike the faux ScrabbleGrams, "breeding" Triple Crown nominees is something I've done before. This time I ran out of steam at 10 entries:

Bloodline x Echo Zulu = DeltaNovemberAlpha
Cant Be Doin That x Seventh Letter = G-Rated
Cyberknife x Verbal = Cutting Remark
Doppelganger x Top Secret = Clone of Silence
Echo Zulu x Simplification = EZ
El Paso x Mugged = Marty Robbin’
Enough Already x Rockefeller = Full Nelson
Gunfighter x Top Secret = Quiet Earp
Hopper x Mr White = Reservoir Frogs
Particular x Peaceful Waters = Specific Ocean

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Silly ScrabbleGrams

2022-04-11T02:35:22Z

Style Invitational Week 1482 involves taking 36 prearranged sets of seven letters, such as have been seen in the ScrabbleGrams game, and making new five- to seven-letter words from them, with humorous elaborations. Apparently, they've held this type of contest several times before, but I never participated until now. (I'm afraid the deadline is less than 90 minutes from when I made this post, so you're probably too late.) Here are the ones I submitted:

ABBMOST > BATMOB: What the Caped Crusader assembles when he needs a lot of help.
ADEOPPS > SODAPEP: A drink-based sugar high.
ACHINNU > UNACHIN: In the future, not having a double chin will be remarkable enough for this word to exist.
AHISTTW > HATWITS: Fools who are "all hat and no cattle."
EENSTVY > YENVEST: To invest in whatever you most crave.
ABNOOSS > SANSBOO: A modern description of someone with no significant other.
AAHPTWY > PAYWHAT: Someone who expects artists to work for mere exposure.
UPDRAFT > DARTUP: A new business that makes its decisions via dartboard.
AABCITX > AXBAIT: An act that's likely to get one fired if discovered.
ACEFFIN > INFACE: Like an invoice, except delivered orally in person.
BEIMSTU > SEMIBUT: A conjunction that functions as a compromise between "and" and "but."
DEHNRTU > NUTHERD: A key component in mass hysteria.
ADLNORU > LUNARDO: A haircut only a lunatic would want.
ABEIKLT > LIBTAKE: An especially left-wing reaction to something.
BELMPRU > BERUMP: To make an ass of.
CDEEILN > ENDICE: To lure with the promise of a crap game.
ABGLNOO > LONGBOA: What the Flintstones use for archery.
AEMRSTW > STRAWME: An unflatteringly inaccurate self-portrayal.
EGGIRRT > RETRIG: To take a math course over again.
AABNNOZ > BANANO: The smallest fruit ever cultivated.
DDEILOT > ITODDLE: An Apple product for two-year-olds.
AADMNNS > ANDMAN: Someone who never knows when to shut up.
BHIMSTU > ITHUMBS: Digits that have evolved to be super slim for fewer texting errors.
ACDEGOR > GODCARE: A health plan reliant on thoughts and prayers.
DDGOOOW > OWDODO: Someone who makes others' heads hurt by being stupid.

I was going to include "ADDEISY > IDESDAY: A redundancy among amateur historians," but the limit is 25 entries.

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Triple Book Review

2022-03-03T04:07:51Z

Since I was packing light, my dad lent me his Kindle, loaded with three library books of my choice. Collectively, they turned out to be exactly the right length for my trip. I wanted to mix them up with mysteries, but I didn't get recommendations from the mystery fans in my family in good time. So despite being wary of more fantasies after last time, I picked three fairly promising ones, two of which have minor mystery elements.

( The Last Dragonslayer )

( Exile's Honor )

( Witches Abroad )

Now I'm finally reading a non-fantasy again: This Is How You Make a Movie by Tim Grierson. It was published just last year, so it's very up-to-date, unlike some nonfiction I've reviewed.

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Book Review: The Rosie Result

2021-11-21T03:44:30Z

My mom made it sound like this entry in Graeme Simsion's Don Tillman trilogy wasn't as much fun as The Rosie Project or The Rosie Effect. Nevertheless, some series induce me to stay for the whole thing no matter what anyone thinks of the ending.

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Now I've started Trail of Lightning by Rebecca Roanhorse. Never read an American Indian fantasy before.

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deckardcanine @ 2021-11-06T18:54:00

2021-11-06T23:00:13Z

The Style Invitational asked for short poems featuring new Merriam-Webster entries. To avoid overthinking, I opted for the limerick format.

I’m becoming a digital nomad.
Although working from home is not so bad,
It begins to feel wrong
When I do it too long.
I must travel, or else I will go mad.

Hippotherapy offers to treat
Lots of problems. You just take a seat
On the back of a horse,
And it walks ‘round a course
So the movement will help. Ain’t that neat?

There once was an arrant otaku
Who acted at cons like a yahoo.
He got in a fight,
Swung with all of his might,
And knocked himself out with nunchaku.

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UFOs

2021-10-24T21:15:35Z

Do I believe in UFOs?
Of course, for why would I suppose
That every flying object is
Identified by now? Gee whiz!
You’ll notice that I didn’t say
They’re ships from many worlds away.
One could be just a stray balloon
Or something else that’s that jejune.
A meteor is not unheard
Of; neither is a soaring bird.
A military satellite?
Now that’s a better cause for fright.
Just don’t assume the term applies
To ET saucers in the skies.

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Michigan Dogman (to the tune of "Wichita Lineman")

2021-10-10T19:14:29Z

I am a dogman from the country,
And I walk on two feet,
Searching in the night
For an animal to eat.

I hear you trembling in your houses.
I can smell you through the spruce.
And the Michigan Dogman
Is still on the loose.

I’m not as dreaded as a wolfman,
But I hunt in a pack,
And if you hear my manlike scream,
Prepare for an attack.

Never mind the Beast of Bray Road.
I’m your reason to vamoose.
And the Michigan Dogman
Is still on the loose.

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deckardcanine @ 2021-08-15T21:43:00

2021-08-16T01:46:44Z

Having gotten honorable mentions in both the last two poetic Style Invitational contests, I now submit two entries to one that calls for limericks featuring a word starting with "he-":

A hebdomad’s just a septet,
Though the meaning is harder to get.
At times, it’s a week,
But what people would speak
In that fashion? Elitists, I bet.

He was off on a journey heroic
Through time to the late Mesozoic
To rescue some dinos!
Sounds awesome, but I know
He left looking eerily stoic.

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Spelling Bee Poems

2021-07-25T19:39:54Z

A Style Invitational contest ending tomorrow calls for poems or jokes involving 2021 National Spelling Bee words from Round 8 or later. I chose the former to save time on my quota. Here are my two entries:

Higgledy-piggledy
Rural Australia is
Loaded with critters we’d
Better beware.
These include octopi,
Thanatophidia,
Spiders and dingoes but
Not the drop bear.

(If you're wondering about my format there, look up double dactyls.)

The aviator did a vrille.
He thought it would be quite a thrill.
Alas, it caused some drinks to spill,
And passengers were far from chill.
A bunch of them were feeling ill.
He isn’t with the airline still.

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The Magic School Butt

2021-07-18T01:10:45Z

Before I went to college, I would ask my mom for aid
When solutions to my homework problems managed to evade
My perception. More than half the time, she didn’t have to talk,
For as soon as she sat next to me and I began to walk
Through the problem, I discovered why my method didn’t work.
(I was pretty good at math back then.) My mom, of course, would smirk
And declare that merely sitting down had let me know just what
Was the error, so we liked to say she had “the magic butt.”

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Songs Made Limericks

2021-06-26T22:23:00Z

The Style Invitational challenge due Monday calls for rewriting popular songs as limericks. The limit's 25; I've come up with a dozen, focusing on lyrics that I perceive as distinctive and neither too serious nor too bizarre. The full instructions say to identify the songs by title, which I will upon submission, but I thought it would be more fun to let you guys figure 'em out:

( Cut for length )

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deckardcanine @ 2021-04-30T20:08:00

2021-05-01T00:11:56Z

Another Triple Crown "foal" contest has come and gone. My dad thinks that some of my entries and some of his should have been honorable mentions, but I don't consider any of the listed ones duds. Well, I'll let you decide. Here are the 20 that I submitted:

Arabian Prince x Ram = Ali Baa-baa
Avenue x Keepmeinmind = Memory Lane
Avenue x O Besos = Bésame Street
Big Lake x Defeater = Victoria
Breadman x I Am the Law = Judge Bredd
Brooklyn Strong x Prate = Empire Statement
Defeater x Federal Bureau = Inbestigation
Defunded x Tarantino = Reservoir Docked
Elector x Gretzky the Great = Puck and Choose
Fly Like an Eagle x Moonlite Strike = Miller Lite
Gershwin x Swing Low = Chariots of Ira
Isolate x Big Fish = Lone Shark
Lemon Pop x One Fast Cat = Sourpuss
Like the King x Petruchio = Blue Suede Shrews
Midnight Bourbon x Sainthood = Holy Spirit
Myopic x Red Flag = Mirsighted
Outasite x Ram = Outadodge
Pickin’ Time x Stayin’ Out Late = Whichin’ Hour
Santa Cruiser x Ubiquitous = Omni-Present
Soup and Sandwich x Spielberg = Eatee

I won't post Dad's unless he asks.

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deckardcanine @ 2021-04-24T17:07:00

2021-04-24T21:13:47Z

The Style Invitational's challenge due Monday: "Offer a new angle on a folk tale, nursery rhyme, children’s song, etc., with a short poem, mini-story (under 100 words) or song parody."

I considered several rhymes and songs that seemed awry when I thought about them. The hard parts are (1) being halfway original and (2) being funny. I ruled out a self-defense plea for "Who Killed Cock Robin?" because that's a sensitive subject these days.

Ultimately, I submitted these two:

Three Very Confused Mice
Why in the world would three blind mice
Pursue a human adult?
Their senses of hearing and smell should’ve told them
They’d get no good result—
Unless there was something amiss about her.
Perhaps her voice was a squeak
And her pheromones smelled like a lovely mouse.
That would give them cause to seek.

Shoe Them Away
The woman who lived in a shoe was a senior.
Her youngest was probably forty.
No wonder she treated her children so badly:
They hadn’t moved out yet; oh, Lordy!

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Book Review: Thief of Time

2021-03-21T03:20:09Z

No, not A Thief of Time by Tony Hillerman; after The First Eagle, I never felt like trying another Leaphorn and Chee mystery. Instead, this is the 26th of 41 Discworld novels, from 2001, following shortly after The Fifth Elephant and shortly before the next on my shelf, Night Watch, without either one's focus on the Ankh-Morpork city watch.

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My next read is Frank Herbert's Dune Messiah. You may question my decision to follow immediately with another brainy work whose cast I can hardly identify with, but at least I know that much going in. Besides, I was looking for another sci-fi on my shelf, and it's been longer since I read Dune than since I read Foundation and Empire.

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