Folly of the Faithful Canine

Well, Shoot

2026-01-04T20:49:39Z

If you create a superhero, please don’t pick a name
That’s based on a projectile, as that sort is always lame.
Take Bulletman and Bulletgirl: They just wear dorky hats
And punch without a lot of power. Where’s the fun in that?
Torpedo topped a list of dumbest superheroes ever.
Each version failed before too long, because he wasn’t clever.
And then we get to those who use their namesake in a fight.
For instance, Captain Boomerang and Javelin aren’t right.
Let’s not depend on weapons that have long been obsolete.
No matter what your skill, they’re bad for cleaning up the street.
I realize the Green Arrow’s been successful on TV,
But that’s from expert writing and direction, seems to me.
OK, perhaps you want to add some humor to a battle.
If so, go right ahead with something silly like “Atlatl.”

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Super Vocations

2024-07-28T01:29:18Z

I’ve found that superhero alter egos tend to be
In certain jobs or other such positions frequently.
Well, journalism’s obvious; you’re never far from news.
But since you clearly know the hero, that’s not one I’d choose

For periods of safety. Still more common is an heir
To someone with an enterprise, a mill- or billionaire.
It’s great for funding outings as a hero; nonetheless,
The spotlight makes it hard to keep your secret with success.

Now, royals are another story; they can make the rules
And thus be fully open in adventures, which is cool,
But think how hard it is to run a country all the time.
It’s bound to be much harder if you’re always fighting crime.

You might be an attorney who can put the crooks away
On two fronts, but you’re subject to the infamous cliché
Of lawyers being rotten. A detective might be better,
But cases don’t come constantly; you may end up a debtor.

If smart enough, you may become a scientist of note,
That’s great, but it’s not easy getting funds to stay afloat.
Perhaps you’ve been a soldier and your training helps you fight.
You’re apt to think of troubles that will keep you up at night.

Perhaps you’ve been a criminal and know how others think.
I’m glad you’re paying off your debt, but having one must stink.
You might be still a student, cutting class to save the day.
That has to suck; you’ll hardly hang with friends or get an A.

I think I would prefer to be an agent of the state
Or else a bounty hunter getting paid a decent rate.
My job and my heroics would be duly intertwined.
Of course, it’s less heroic if my paycheck is in mind.

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Book Review: Superfolks

2024-01-10T00:01:40Z

That didn't take me long, did it? Robert Mayer's first novel, while not a graphic novel as it appears from the outside, nonetheless has fairly few words per page on average, particularly since there are 37 chapters in 231 pages. I don't remember where I heard of it, but it sounded kind of like Watchmen with a lot more laughs. Whether or not it inspired Alan Moore, it was certainly a predecessor, from 1977.

( Cut for length )

I have now picked up another fairly short read, Princess Academy by Shannon Hale. The Newbery Medal tells me it's not even YA, and right now, I could use the assurance of cleanliness.

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Super Saint

2023-12-24T01:50:02Z

Is Santa Claus a superhero? Evidence says yes.
In just one night, he goes to every Christian kid’s address
And gives them coal if they’ve been bad or gifts if they’ve been good,
As no one but a man with major superpowers could.

In comic books, he’s shown to work with superhero teams.
In other tales, he works alone to save the day, it seems.
Still other tales have given him some sidekicks, such as elves.
Of course, his magic reindeer might just qualify themselves.

They also help convey his awesome vehicle of note.
His base of operations is amazing and remote.
He likes enforcing morals all around. On top of that,
His costume is distinctive, from his snow boots to his hat.

He has an evil counterpart in Krampus, I’m afraid.
His weakness: downing all the milk and cookies that he’s paid.
He tries to go unseen upon the night it’s time to give.
And finally, he knows where all the supervillains live.

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Superman Stories

2023-05-01T02:50:01Z

From what I can tell, there are five different kinds
Of Superman stories all told.
In one, he is weakened by kryptonite shards
Or whatnot; that quickly gets old.

At times, he contends with a villain whose might
Surpasses or equals his own.
Perhaps he’s quite safe but must rescue a friend
And barely can do it alone.

On rarer occasions, a character learns
His secret identity, oops!
Just how will he stop them from spreading the word
When killing’s a no-no for Supes?

The last kind will focus on somebody else,
With Superman lending support.
I’m not a big fan of the old Man of Steel,
So that one’s my favorite sort.

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Up in the Sky

2022-11-07T04:29:14Z

Way back in 1938, when Superman debuted,
Compared with now, he wasn’t all that powerful a dude.
He basically was limited to powers you’d expect
From people who evolved for stronger gravity’s effect.
It seems that Planet Krypton had been bigger than the Earth,
And thus a native humanoid was stronger right from birth.
He’d leap the height of 20-story buildings in a bound
But couldn’t get much hang time in before he hit the ground.
While hardy, just a bursting shell could penetrate his skin.
He could lift heavy weights but not reverse the planet’s spin.
His hearing wasn’t special, nor his breath. His eyes produced
No heat or X-ray vision. Then he got a major boost:
The Silver Age of Comic Books would let the hero gain
New powers almost every week, which proved to be a pain.
It seems he’d gathered hundreds till the writers cut them back
To eight, the ones he has today. That is a better tack,
But still he leaves most other comic supers in the dust.
Resetting him completely has been off and on discussed
By writers as they struggle to make stories with suspense,
But old-school powers could be dull in yet another sense.
Which Superman do you prefer: the one who did the least,
The one who came near godhood, or the one who got decreased?

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deckardcanine @ 2022-09-18T17:05:00

2022-09-18T21:11:22Z

I got an honorable mention in the latest Style Invitational results. The new contest also involves poetry, so I'm giving it a spin, this time with four entries. In case you can't read the link, it's about short poems using terms that Merriam-Webster added this month.

1. Most albums that I’ve listened to begin with something hot.
It makes a lot of sense to give a hit the foremost spot.
In music terms, a deep cut is a less familiar song.
“The first cut is the deepest”? Boy, Cat Stevens got it wrong.

2. If you adopt a hoglet, you had best not name it Sonic.
You wouldn’t want one dashing super-fast around the house.
Perhaps you have a slowpoke and would like to be ironic,
But tempting fate is scary with a prickly pseudo-mouse.

3. When a new CEO of Nintendo
Reached his office, he must have thought, “Yup,
This is it, the top floor of the building,
So I’ll never again level up.”

4. Imagine if a supervillain stuck to petty crime,
Only using superpowers for evasion.
Would heroes try to stop him? Would he not be worth their time?
Would they even give some thought to this equation?
If he should get away with it and everyone found out,
Would authorities be all the more maligned?
Would laws be changed if not repealed? There may be room for doubt,
But I’d bet that’s what the villain had in mind.

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How to Be Super

2022-07-11T03:30:03Z

You wish to have some superpowers? Here’s what you can do.
Unless you’re born an alien or mutant, they’ll be new.
You could receive a serum as a subject in a lab.
Perhaps you’d drink a potion if you couldn’t stand a jab.
You might get struck by lightning or exposed to radiation
Or splashed with special chemicals without deliberation.
If someone mighty notices your deeds and is impressed,
They may just share some power, tho it wouldn’t be the best.
If lucky, you will come across an artifact or jewel
That rapidly bestows on you abilities quite cool.
What doesn’t seem as lucky is returning from the dead.
I’d rather work with magic or technology instead.
If all else fails, you always can improve your bod and brain
By exercise and learning. Just be careful not to strain.

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How I Marvel at This Complication

2021-09-05T02:33:52Z

The title “Captain Marvel” first appeared in ’39,
When Fawcett Publications had begun its comics line.
The hero, Billy Batson, changed from preteen to adult
By hollering, “Shazam!” (It seems his powers were occult.)
Alas, despite his thunderbolts, he seemed a bit too much
Like DC Comics’ Superman, so Fawcett was in Dutch
For copyright infringement. Still, they fought to keep him going,
Until he wasn’t worth it when the comic sales were slowing.
The trademark lapsed, and M. F. Enterprises grabbed the name
And slapped it on an android, but he never gained much fame.
Then Marvel Comics paid a fee to M.F.’s Myron Fass
So they could get the trademark (with their name, they’d hardly pass).
Then DC got the go-ahead from Fawcett to revive
The oldest Captain Marvel, whom they’d worked so hard to drive
From print! But Marvel’s captain meant that DC wasn’t able
To launch a brand-new series with the same production label.
They titled it Shazam! but had the hero keep his name.
In theory, that sufficed to let us know they’re not the same,
But after nearly 40 years, they changed him to Shazam,
Which can be problematic. Just as well that he’s a ham.

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Book Review: The Violent Century

2021-07-10T22:24:40Z

Judging from Netflix, capepunk is all the rage. It makes sense that all the superhero fare should lead to something deconstructive about it. Rather than take a chance on another ugly-looking TV series, I decided to try this 2013 Lavie Tidhar novel, which has been described, among similar ways, as "like Watchmen on crack."

( Cut for length )

To cleanse my palate, I picked up the immediate sequel to a more youth-oriented novel I enjoyed. It's Catherynne M. Valente's The Girl Who Fell Beneath Fairyland and Led the Revels There. Best to have waited less than a year so my memory isn't too bad.

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