Folly of the Faithful Canine

Well, Shoot

2026-01-04T20:49:39Z

If you create a superhero, please don’t pick a name
That’s based on a projectile, as that sort is always lame.
Take Bulletman and Bulletgirl: They just wear dorky hats
And punch without a lot of power. Where’s the fun in that?
Torpedo topped a list of dumbest superheroes ever.
Each version failed before too long, because he wasn’t clever.
And then we get to those who use their namesake in a fight.
For instance, Captain Boomerang and Javelin aren’t right.
Let’s not depend on weapons that have long been obsolete.
No matter what your skill, they’re bad for cleaning up the street.
I realize the Green Arrow’s been successful on TV,
But that’s from expert writing and direction, seems to me.
OK, perhaps you want to add some humor to a battle.
If so, go right ahead with something silly like “Atlatl.”

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The Katana

2025-10-19T20:14:52Z

It’s claimed that the katana is the best sword ever made,
But no, it’s not superior to every other blade.
It takes an expert craftsman, so it’s bound to cost a lot.
For drawing from a sheath, it’s fast; for putting back, it’s not.
It’s excellent for slicing, but it’s just OK to thrust.
You always must maintain it to ensure it doesn’t rust.
It’s flexible and durable yet liable to chip
Against substantial armor, so take care what you equip.
The weight is largely near the hilt, which helps with speedy slashes
But limits each swing’s force, which makes it bad for mounted clashes.
It doesn’t reach as far as many European swords.
At least it’s not as awkward if you carry it indoors.
Perhaps you like its cultural significance and beauty.
That’s fine, but let us recognize its flaws and not be snooty.

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Firearm Safety Measures

2023-06-05T03:24:42Z

I’m hardly an expert on firearm matters,
But sources have taught me a lot
Of basic instructions to try to avoid
A real bad unintentional shot.

If the tip of a gun isn’t coated in orange,
It probably isn’t a toy.
Don’t aim it at animals, people, or objects
You really would hate to destroy.

Consider it loaded unless you just cleared it;
Remember the chamber to check.
Don’t finger the trigger until you feel ready
To render your target a wreck.

Be sure of your target and what lies behind it
In case you hit that by mistake.
When passing a gun, take the ammo out first.
Without muffling, your ears may well ache.

A bulletproof vest won’t prevent broken ribs,
So don’t shoot at a wearer for kicks,
And even a blank can be deadly up close.
Don’t be fooled by absurd movie tricks.

Perhaps you would say not to handle such weapons
And leave it at that. I’m concerned
That those who ignored that advice would be too
In the dark on the lessons I’ve learned.

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Set in Stone

2019-08-19T00:21:11Z

I’ve questioned why a sword should be a hero’s go-to weapon,
But thinking of Excalibur, that sword just had to happen.
It isn’t just that S-words add allit’rative appeal.
It’s not the pricing either; it’s the length of sharpened steel.
A spear is mostly wooden and could break if slightly bent.
A knife’s too short, and not much depth is made by axe-y dent.
An arrow won’t get stuck in stone, and clubs are plainly out.
The Once and Future King was duly armed; I have no doubt.

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What Makes the Cut

2017-09-25T04:24:24Z

In stories set multiple centuries past
Or in fantasies pseudo-medieval,
I find the main hero must carry a sword,
As if all other weapons were evil.

I gather that daggers are not only puny
But made to be hidden from sight,
And clubs seem too primitive, spears not much better,
But what makes the axes not right?

Their cousins the polearms get even less love,
Being carried entirely by minions.
The bows have some grace, but their range is unfit
For heroics in writers’ opinions.

The staves are for wizards and martial arts masters,
Both prone to support the main man;
And whips, while unlikely to kill, are just mean.
Is that why the tradition began?

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deckardcanine @ 2017-08-13T22:58:00

2017-08-14T03:01:04Z

The Style Invitational asks for limericks featuring any English word, name, or term that begins with "gh" or "gi." I perused my hardcopy dictionary and came up with this:

You may say you don’t mean any harm,
But I still must insist you disarm.
I don’t care that we missed
Putting such on the list
Of banned items; don’t bring a gisarme.

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Screening Misinformation

2017-07-24T02:38:48Z

Everyone knows that movies and shows
Play fast and loose with what’s true,
But certain bluffs are repeated enough
That they can be hard to see through.

If you’re not one to have fired a gun,
You’re in for a big surprise,
As once you’ve found how it looks and sounds,
You’ll reflect on a pack of lies.

Of greater concern is the treatment of burns,
Among other bodily harm.
Know that CPR goes only so far
And some die from a broken arm.

Alas, there’s more: You’ll find dangers galore
From animals out in the wild.
A swan or deer might just break you in fear,
And monkeys are seldom mild.

It’s clear that we must take care not to trust
Our Hollywood inspirations.
I advise you to get a look on the Net
For further information.

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