Friday, 28 August 2009 05:52 pm
Virtual Villainesses
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deckardcanineLast month I presented my 10 favorite video game heroines. Well, I couldn’t help but go on to think about video game villains. They are in even shorter supply and even less likely to be respectably presented. I hate to say it, but the Diablo series, the indirect source of my username, is one of the worst offenders on the latter count. Game makers, please don’t try to combine sexy and grotesque. And don’t tell me you were aiming only for grotesque.
Ultimately I decided to compile only a top 5. I strongly considered using a non-round number instead (Cracked.com does it all the time), but to be honest, my feelings on #6 and below are mixed at best. Better to stick with the exciting ones.
5. Fourth Admiral Belleza
Hardly the most wicked or most challenging Valuan admiral in Skies of Arcadia, but one of the most, well, admirable. Where Alfonso has only heritage to keep his position, Vigoro has little more than strength in arms and odor, and De Loco has pathetic insanity, Belleza has gained a reputation for tactics and charisma. Her power of deceit grants the Empire more than one clean (if temporary) victory and forces the player’s Blue Rogues into a more strategic battle than is usually necessary.
Part of what I like about Belleza is that, for a femme fatale, she has rather peaceable aims. Having lost her father to war, she wants to end all wars by ending any question of who would win a war – i.e., by gaining extreme destructive power for her homeland. I dig well-intentioned extremists in fiction; they help remind us of the ones in real life. Enemies can often be redeemed, and you yourself may be further from the right path than you realize.
Belleza does come to see her error (to a point, anyway) and join your cause. But unlike many fictional villains who turn to the good side, Belleza does not lose her personality and become boring. She remains subtle and yet extreme. Her final act of penance is a shock to every other character, good or bad, and probably most players. Storywise, I consider it one of the best cut scenes I’ve ever viewed.
4. Anna Navarre
In contrast to the above, Anna goes from your ally to your enemy – but not via any change in herself. Early in Deus Ex, I naively saw her as cool, tough, and a potential love interest for fellow agent J.C. Denton. Sort of an Israeli cyborg version of Trinity in The Matrix, if you can picture that. But mechanical augmentations aren’t all that’s constantly hard-edged about her no matter what you do, and there’s a reason for a warning against “another Anna Navarre shooting spree.” I finally realized what she was when she demanded the assassination of a surrendering man and added, “We can say what we like in the report.” When the player’s Denton switches sides, it’s not clear how much she knows about the coalition’s corruption, but I doubt it makes a difference for her: there’s nothing she loves more than the “extermination” of declared enemies. I felt so betrayed when she said she would enjoy watching me die.
Anna is one of the few characters you absolutely have to kill in order to win, one way or another. My usual approach is stealthy and semi-pacifistic (love the trank darts), but I found her attitude contagious as I opted to take her down with a machine gun. Watching her programmed explosion was more delightful than it should have been.
3. Xel’lotath
Some players of Eternal Darkness: Sanity’s Requiem think this Lovecraftian dark ancient is kinda wimpy next to others. In my experience, there’s not much to choose from; none of them present as much difficulty as their nature would suggest. But Xel’lotath specializes in the feature that really sets this horror game apart from others: the power of the mind. Her essence practically “spins the air itself into insanity.” She herself shows signs of insanity, not in her desire to consume mankind (it’s not like she’s anywhere close to human), but in her two blood-curdling voices with apparently different minds. I’m not sure whether she can read minds or just makes paranoid assumptions, but either quality is a plus in a villain. Let the warlock align with her, and the rest of your characters are sure to experience lots of awesome hallucinations. Heck, just looking at the shapes of some of her fashioned minions will make them wish they were hallucinating. What a twisted, creative foe.
2. GLaDOS
I haven’t even played Portal, but I’ve gleaned seemingly all there is to know about the glib computer with the cute voice. How many villains can be said to have made a game a phenomenon? With dozens of funny quips throughout and a hit song at the end, no less? This soullessly cheerful, backstabbing, pointless killer illustrates a brilliantly macabre interpretation of what happens in video games in general.
Alas, the future of GLaDOS is uncertain. Aperture Laboratories may still have a use for her, but what more can we get from her in a sequel? There’s only one woman on this list who definitely lives on for more than one game, not to mention a few other media….
1. Carmen Sandiego
As a fan-made poster has said, “Anyone who can steal the [expletive] Great Lakes is a god among ants.” Okay, so many another V.I.L.E. members have singlehandedly taken things that should have been way too large for them, and they might handle the lake job. But how badass do you have to be to lead them all? And how many could even conceive such a paradoxical feat as stealing the Grand Canyon?!
It’s tough enough getting Carmen behind bars, even when her captured minions drop hints on where to find her. Just try to keep her there for a day. You’ll be lucky if she doesn’t pocket the whole jail. There’s no keeping a good thief down – or a terrifically evil one.
Yes, I characterize her that way. You think V.I.L.E. steals landmarks and other artifacts for financial gain? Good luck selling the Sphinx paws on the black market. And if they could do that, well, how many times can you fail before perseverance is infeasible? No, I’m pretty sure they just want to wreak havoc and jeer at authorities for their flimsy efforts both to protect world treasures and to prevent recidivism. They’re not above resorting to violence. On the animated series, Carmen even went back in time to swipe the key from Ben Franklin’s hand during his famous lightning experiment! Think of the repercussions if the young heroes hadn’t survived her earlier challenges to save him! With that much craving for chaos, she ought to escape to Gotham City and meet the Joker.
…Forget what I just said. That scenario would really blow my mind.
Ultimately I decided to compile only a top 5. I strongly considered using a non-round number instead (Cracked.com does it all the time), but to be honest, my feelings on #6 and below are mixed at best. Better to stick with the exciting ones.
5. Fourth Admiral Belleza
Hardly the most wicked or most challenging Valuan admiral in Skies of Arcadia, but one of the most, well, admirable. Where Alfonso has only heritage to keep his position, Vigoro has little more than strength in arms and odor, and De Loco has pathetic insanity, Belleza has gained a reputation for tactics and charisma. Her power of deceit grants the Empire more than one clean (if temporary) victory and forces the player’s Blue Rogues into a more strategic battle than is usually necessary.
Part of what I like about Belleza is that, for a femme fatale, she has rather peaceable aims. Having lost her father to war, she wants to end all wars by ending any question of who would win a war – i.e., by gaining extreme destructive power for her homeland. I dig well-intentioned extremists in fiction; they help remind us of the ones in real life. Enemies can often be redeemed, and you yourself may be further from the right path than you realize.
Belleza does come to see her error (to a point, anyway) and join your cause. But unlike many fictional villains who turn to the good side, Belleza does not lose her personality and become boring. She remains subtle and yet extreme. Her final act of penance is a shock to every other character, good or bad, and probably most players. Storywise, I consider it one of the best cut scenes I’ve ever viewed.
4. Anna Navarre
In contrast to the above, Anna goes from your ally to your enemy – but not via any change in herself. Early in Deus Ex, I naively saw her as cool, tough, and a potential love interest for fellow agent J.C. Denton. Sort of an Israeli cyborg version of Trinity in The Matrix, if you can picture that. But mechanical augmentations aren’t all that’s constantly hard-edged about her no matter what you do, and there’s a reason for a warning against “another Anna Navarre shooting spree.” I finally realized what she was when she demanded the assassination of a surrendering man and added, “We can say what we like in the report.” When the player’s Denton switches sides, it’s not clear how much she knows about the coalition’s corruption, but I doubt it makes a difference for her: there’s nothing she loves more than the “extermination” of declared enemies. I felt so betrayed when she said she would enjoy watching me die.
Anna is one of the few characters you absolutely have to kill in order to win, one way or another. My usual approach is stealthy and semi-pacifistic (love the trank darts), but I found her attitude contagious as I opted to take her down with a machine gun. Watching her programmed explosion was more delightful than it should have been.
3. Xel’lotath
Some players of Eternal Darkness: Sanity’s Requiem think this Lovecraftian dark ancient is kinda wimpy next to others. In my experience, there’s not much to choose from; none of them present as much difficulty as their nature would suggest. But Xel’lotath specializes in the feature that really sets this horror game apart from others: the power of the mind. Her essence practically “spins the air itself into insanity.” She herself shows signs of insanity, not in her desire to consume mankind (it’s not like she’s anywhere close to human), but in her two blood-curdling voices with apparently different minds. I’m not sure whether she can read minds or just makes paranoid assumptions, but either quality is a plus in a villain. Let the warlock align with her, and the rest of your characters are sure to experience lots of awesome hallucinations. Heck, just looking at the shapes of some of her fashioned minions will make them wish they were hallucinating. What a twisted, creative foe.
2. GLaDOS
I haven’t even played Portal, but I’ve gleaned seemingly all there is to know about the glib computer with the cute voice. How many villains can be said to have made a game a phenomenon? With dozens of funny quips throughout and a hit song at the end, no less? This soullessly cheerful, backstabbing, pointless killer illustrates a brilliantly macabre interpretation of what happens in video games in general.
Alas, the future of GLaDOS is uncertain. Aperture Laboratories may still have a use for her, but what more can we get from her in a sequel? There’s only one woman on this list who definitely lives on for more than one game, not to mention a few other media….
1. Carmen Sandiego
As a fan-made poster has said, “Anyone who can steal the [expletive] Great Lakes is a god among ants.” Okay, so many another V.I.L.E. members have singlehandedly taken things that should have been way too large for them, and they might handle the lake job. But how badass do you have to be to lead them all? And how many could even conceive such a paradoxical feat as stealing the Grand Canyon?!
It’s tough enough getting Carmen behind bars, even when her captured minions drop hints on where to find her. Just try to keep her there for a day. You’ll be lucky if she doesn’t pocket the whole jail. There’s no keeping a good thief down – or a terrifically evil one.
Yes, I characterize her that way. You think V.I.L.E. steals landmarks and other artifacts for financial gain? Good luck selling the Sphinx paws on the black market. And if they could do that, well, how many times can you fail before perseverance is infeasible? No, I’m pretty sure they just want to wreak havoc and jeer at authorities for their flimsy efforts both to protect world treasures and to prevent recidivism. They’re not above resorting to violence. On the animated series, Carmen even went back in time to swipe the key from Ben Franklin’s hand during his famous lightning experiment! Think of the repercussions if the young heroes hadn’t survived her earlier challenges to save him! With that much craving for chaos, she ought to escape to Gotham City and meet the Joker.
…Forget what I just said. That scenario would really blow my mind.
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A word of warning before anybody tries to play it:
It's MUCH more challenging to play than the original game.
(what I don't get, however, is why the researches talk the way that GLaDOS will later...)