Folly of the Faithful Canine

The lightning bugs or fireflies are neither bugs nor flies.
At least, that’s what our modern entomologists advise.
Along those lines, the wingless types called glowworms can’t be worms.
That’s quite a bunch of errors from our common parlance terms.

They’re beetles in the family Lampyridae, whose light
Was likely once a warning that we shouldn’t take a bite
Because they tasted icky. Later on, it was a way
To draw a mate’s attention, more polite than shouting, “Hey!”

Just what creates their bioluminescence? Here are facts:
They first produce an enzyme called luciferase that acts
Upon another compound, called luciferin, and where
The ions of magnesium, with ATP and air,

Are present, this reaction makes a light that we call “cold”—
No infrared or ultraviolet frequencies, I’m told.
Some species might look bluish from the Purkinje effect,
But yellow, green, and red are all the colors we expect.

My hometown used to get a lot of fireflies each summer.
They’ve dwindled, and I haven’t seen them this year; what a bummer.
My favorite kind of insect, they looked magical to me,
As if they made a fairyland of Washington, DC.

My nephew at age one had mispronounced my name as “Sheep.”
I know he meant no insult, but the nickname sure would keep.
Some seven years elapsed, and both my nephew and my niece
Will still say “Uncle Sheep” as if I’d grown a woolly fleece.
In part, I have encouraged it by bleating in response.
To them, it’s never old as I exude my nonchalance.
I certainly prefer it to their erstwhile “Uncle Eve,”
At which I gently made it clear I found the name a peeve.

Early on, I was taught that the primary colors
Were always red, yellow, and blue.
A later source said that’s for pigments, not light,
Which swaps green in for yellow. What’s true?

It turns out no set of real lights or real colorants
Mixes to make every shade.
No primaries form a canonical set,
Yet familiar tradition has stayed.

Most scientists favor the additive model
With red, green, and blue for the light
Or cyan, magenta, and yellow for making
Subtractive predictions. All right?

In printing, we tend to use CMYK,
Where the K stands for black (fair enough).
Who says there should only be three hues to mix?
Colorimetry’s actually tough.

I've found a peculiar pattern
In rock bands' and rockers' names,
From Queen to Queens of the Stone Age,
Alice Cooper to Alice in Chains.

You've probably already noticed
The Violent Femmes are all men,
Along with the Barenaked Ladies
And others since I don't know when.

Iron Maiden and Marilyn Manson,
All the Mothers of Invention,
Marcy Playground and Molly Hatchet...
Just what was the namers' intention?

The Scissor Sisters, Sister Hazel,
And Twisted Sister are bros.
We don't get much of the opposite,
And why should that be? Who knows?

Some think the QWERTY layout was designed to make us slow
So typewriters would jam less. Proper sources tell me no.
It’s true that many letters often paired are far apart,
But alternating hands makes typing faster, so it’s smart.

I know the right-hand index finger rests upon the J,
Among the rarest letters, but that’s hardly in the way.
It simply is a vestige of a layout from the past,
Based largely on the alphabet, in case you had to ask.

Another legend holds that QWERTY’s meant to let us type
Out “typewriter” with just the upper row for extra hype.
While nobody can formally substantiate the claim,
It’s nice to think the practice was impressive all the same.

You might prefer a Dvorak board, all vowels on one side,
For ergonomic purposes. More recently applied
Are Colemak and a handful of less common English tries,
But thanks at least to habit, still old QWERTY gets the prize.

Ea-nāṣir was a Mesopotamian
Merchant of note in the city of Ur.
He traded in textiles and foodstuffs but mostly
In things made of copper, however impure.

So why do we know him? Because of a tablet
Discovered some thirty-six hundred years hence.
It claims that he sold some low-quality ingots,
Mistreated the buyer, and thus gave offense.

In truth, other tablets were found in the ruins
Of what we assume was the merchant’s own house.
One also accused him of selling poor copper;
Another, of lateness. Was this guy a louse?

The same archaeologists found he had gotten
Reminders, implying his credit declined.
It looks like he had to surrender a chunk of
His home, tho we can’t say for sure he was fined.

I doubt that he ever expected his name to
Survive all this time just from doing bad work,
But Internet culture grew fond of the way
The complaints could apply to a modern-day jerk.

John Hancock was among the richest colonists, an heir.
At first, he hoped the motherland would treat his brethren fair.
He then participated in a boycott of its goods,
Which gained him popularity in Boston neighborhoods.

This led to his election as a Massachusetts rep,
With Samuel Adams backing him. Unlikely allies? Yep.
A customs board, perhaps suspecting Hancock dodged a tax
By smuggling in defiance of the Navigation Acts,

Went after him ere long and seized the Liberty, his sloop.
The truth is still debated; no one got a solid scoop.
Regardless, he was tried for months until the charges dropped.
Did someone hate his politics and therefore want him stopped?

Things heated up, and Hancock told a colonel named Dalrymple
To order troops from Boston. The agreement came quite simple.
With Hancock now a hero, he’d gain several more positions,
Including one that helped secure his present recognition,

Presiding o’er the Continental Congress at the time
A certain declaration was set forth for him to sign.
Indeed, he wrote his signature much larger than the rest.
Of all the easy claims to fame, that might just be the best.

In later years, post-governor, he helped convince his state
To ratify the U.S. Constitution; that was great.
As presidential candidate, he didn’t do so well:
The Massachusetts voters picked John Adams (ring a bell?).

Despite a lavish funeral, John Hancock grew obscure.
He hadn’t written much to let biographers be sure,
And most accounts derided him. That’s partly why I say
It’s better to recall him by his signature today.

Emily Rath may be an international bestselling author, but she doesn't have a Wikipedia page. Even if she did, a 2025 novel probably wouldn't have a summary there yet. She's better known for romance than for fantasy; I must have asked for this because it promised both.

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I feel like reading something older now. Kim by Rudyard Kipling should do.

In many ways, the District of Columbia’s not great,
But here’s a thing I like about it more than any state
Or city in America: The flag looks oh so right.
Its pattern is of three red stars and two red bars on white,

In keeping with the coat of arms of Washington (the prez).
A certain vexillology association says
It’s number one among a hundred fifty city flags
Within an online survey, most of which, I found, are drags.

And even foreign cities rarely value what they should
In making flag designs. You see, simplicity is good.
The DC flag is elegant yet basic. In addition,
It doesn’t need its colors for our easy recognition

On lots of district property. I couldn’t ask for more.
It even beats the variant of 1924
That Charles Dunn designed, in which the stars were cobalt blue.
The District Flag Commission scored a hit, I say. Do you?

I chose Mur Lafferty's novel partly because there's no better time to read a clearly dark story than right after a kid-friendly comedy. Several others are on my shelf, but I wanted to prioritize one of my latest gifts for a change.

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For my next read, I'm thinking North Is the Night by Emily Rath. I considered it before, but I wanted to wait for a warmer month.