Thursday, 10 March 2005 08:49 pm
Ye who have decency, prepare to cringe
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deckardcanineI usually discard my free weekday Express papers as soon as I've read all the potentially interesting parts (sometimes before I've even left the subway), but about once a month, I feel a need to save it either to show my family or to type up the details. The "Eye Openers" section especially lives up to its name:
Some Illinois lawmakers want to make sure the twinkle in your eye doesn't come from jewelry. Repulsed by a body modification in which tiny metal hearts and half-moons are surgically embedded in the whites of the eye, a House committee approved legislation Thursday that would make performing the procedure a felony. The procedure, performed under local anesthetic, involves making a tiny slice in the eye membrane and slipping in a small, flat piece of metal. The result is a shiny shape in the white of the eye. It's performed at the Netherlands Institute for Innovative Ocular Surgery and by at least one doctor in California. "I don't think anybody should be messing with the eyeball," Rep. Kevin Joyce said Friday.
Now, as you probably guessed, I had never heard of this kind of procedure and find it highly off-putting in both the verbal description and the photo. But to make it a crime – a felony, for that matter – is about as indefensible as state legislation gets, and that’s saying something. So you law talking guys (to borrow terminology from Lionel Hutz) are grossed out. Never mind that beauty is in the eye of the beholder…uh, this time in more ways than one. How can you even think yourselves internally consistent? You're not banning tongue studs – are you too accustomed to them, or are they so well-established that you just don't dare? Maybe you'd make the case that eye jewelry is more damaging. Will you ban Botox? Or do you think that the factors of danger and disgust justify the legislation cumulatively? If so, see about finding a way to prevent your state from receiving reality TV shows.
Speaking of which:
Say you're Fox Broadcasting, and you need and untapped taboo subject for a new reality show. What have you missed? Oh yeah – death! Get ready for "Who Wants to Live Forever," outraging viewers soon.
I don't have much to add, but help me out here: what can a reality show by that title possibly do that is at once legal and remotely engaging and remotely true to its title?
Similar topic, somewhat different mood:
The head of Turkey's TV watchdog agency has called on broadcasters to tone down popular reality shows, such as "May I Call You Mother," that have shown women vying for husbands hurling glasses and threatening to beat each other.
I don't point out bad grammar as often as I used to, but this time it got confusing. Who's hurling the glasses and threatening battery – the women or the men? If the latter, I have to wonder what the women see in them. I'm also not entirely sure if they throw drinking glasses or optical prescription glasses, but that's less important. Not that the topic was that important to begin with, but this level of confusion is bad in general principle.
Can't help noticing: if that's the worst Turkey has to offer in reality programming, they must be a relatively tame culture.
Some Illinois lawmakers want to make sure the twinkle in your eye doesn't come from jewelry. Repulsed by a body modification in which tiny metal hearts and half-moons are surgically embedded in the whites of the eye, a House committee approved legislation Thursday that would make performing the procedure a felony. The procedure, performed under local anesthetic, involves making a tiny slice in the eye membrane and slipping in a small, flat piece of metal. The result is a shiny shape in the white of the eye. It's performed at the Netherlands Institute for Innovative Ocular Surgery and by at least one doctor in California. "I don't think anybody should be messing with the eyeball," Rep. Kevin Joyce said Friday.
Now, as you probably guessed, I had never heard of this kind of procedure and find it highly off-putting in both the verbal description and the photo. But to make it a crime – a felony, for that matter – is about as indefensible as state legislation gets, and that’s saying something. So you law talking guys (to borrow terminology from Lionel Hutz) are grossed out. Never mind that beauty is in the eye of the beholder…uh, this time in more ways than one. How can you even think yourselves internally consistent? You're not banning tongue studs – are you too accustomed to them, or are they so well-established that you just don't dare? Maybe you'd make the case that eye jewelry is more damaging. Will you ban Botox? Or do you think that the factors of danger and disgust justify the legislation cumulatively? If so, see about finding a way to prevent your state from receiving reality TV shows.
Speaking of which:
Say you're Fox Broadcasting, and you need and untapped taboo subject for a new reality show. What have you missed? Oh yeah – death! Get ready for "Who Wants to Live Forever," outraging viewers soon.
I don't have much to add, but help me out here: what can a reality show by that title possibly do that is at once legal and remotely engaging and remotely true to its title?
Similar topic, somewhat different mood:
The head of Turkey's TV watchdog agency has called on broadcasters to tone down popular reality shows, such as "May I Call You Mother," that have shown women vying for husbands hurling glasses and threatening to beat each other.
I don't point out bad grammar as often as I used to, but this time it got confusing. Who's hurling the glasses and threatening battery – the women or the men? If the latter, I have to wonder what the women see in them. I'm also not entirely sure if they throw drinking glasses or optical prescription glasses, but that's less important. Not that the topic was that important to begin with, but this level of confusion is bad in general principle.
Can't help noticing: if that's the worst Turkey has to offer in reality programming, they must be a relatively tame culture.