(no subject)

It hurts my pride a little to have three entries in a row without comment, but that's not my major LJ concern right now. Much more important is the fact that I've made a nuisance of myself in at least two other people's LJs. They assess all too accurately that I keep getting thoroughly critical, especially of humor. It's not in my interest to troll, and yet I keep posting negative comments with some level of awareness that it's likely to offend. One person even accused me of posting on topics where I had no interest. They wonder why, and I've come to wonder the same. I like these people, and I hate to have them disgusted at me.

Most of the forums I attend are based on a source of entertainment I enjoy. I came to the LJ community thru a more peripheral connection, and so I don't find things as consistently fit to my taste. I can't make myself like what I don't, but why don't I keep quiet about it?

Here's my theory: In early elementary school, I had too much social and emotional difficulty to describe. Writing became my prime outlet, and I would write basically anything that came to mind. Now that I write in LJs, I have developed a degree of self-censorship, but not enough. Even knowing that my thoughts go to the public domain, and certain near-strangers in particular, I feel like I have to write my opinion whenever I have one, almost as tho I'd be lying not to say it.

This is an explanation, not an excuse. I've stopped using my evidence of mental disorder as an excuse for inappropriate behavior. Now that I think I know the problem, I can better combat it. From now on, I resolve to edit out all non-constructive criticism and present the rest as positively as possible -- or, depending on the case, cut out the constructive as well. If my obsessive-compulsive tendency demands I write it all, I'll write it in a Word document where nobody will see it.

( But I didn't feel down the rest of the evening.... )