Saturday, 2 July 2016 02:24 pm
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deckardcanineIn the last few weeks, I've been reading my LJ in reverse. I started out just looking for my old poems and their dates, but the further back I went, the more I felt like reading other entries and comments in detail. (Note that after a certain point, you can't get a whole page with multiple posts; you have to click thru them individually.) Eventually I made it to my debut on February 25, 2004, more than a third of my life ago. My last semester in college.
It interested me to see how much I did and did not remember. Some people and events had completely slipped my mind. Some amusing observations amused me anew. Sometimes I surprised my present self, like when I'd resolved not to rent video games anymore. (When the last local video store closed, I missed the option.) Most of my predictions have failed to come true.
I knew I used to be both more religious and further to the political left. What I'd forgotten was how uncertain I acted. Nervous to the point of wimpy, even. And I kept feeling guilty, often for reasons beyond my control. So as usual, I like my present self better than my past self.
Sometimes I'd written something badly enough that I considered editing, but at this point, who else is going to look back that far? Besides, it feels like a retcon. I kinda want to keep the imperfections as a reminder of how I used to be.
It interested me to see how much I did and did not remember. Some people and events had completely slipped my mind. Some amusing observations amused me anew. Sometimes I surprised my present self, like when I'd resolved not to rent video games anymore. (When the last local video store closed, I missed the option.) Most of my predictions have failed to come true.
I knew I used to be both more religious and further to the political left. What I'd forgotten was how uncertain I acted. Nervous to the point of wimpy, even. And I kept feeling guilty, often for reasons beyond my control. So as usual, I like my present self better than my past self.
Sometimes I'd written something badly enough that I considered editing, but at this point, who else is going to look back that far? Besides, it feels like a retcon. I kinda want to keep the imperfections as a reminder of how I used to be.