If I may imitate Ashkitty

Dear Gustav,

If it weren't for your owners, I might never have thought of "Gustav" as a cute name. You have taught me that tomcats can be as endearing as lady cats and that Russian blues have the prettiest shade of gray.

That said, you are a shameless manipulator. That squeaky voice, the way you crack it when begging for food, and the way you almost roll R's are fit to melt a man's heart at the wrong time of day. I realize that a certain event from your kittenhood must have raised your voice a bit, but that's no excuse for outdoing my female cat when she was less than a year old... and you're four or five. Azazel does no such thing; she merely sits quietly near her dishes.

But have you been teaching her lately? Just this evening, she started getting friendly for a change. Aggressively, knock-head-against-hand friendly. She also proceeded to leap onto my spread legs and balance precariously on one of them. She settled down as best she could and purred, but her tail was whipping like a dog's the whole time we interacted. That leads me to suspect that she was reluctant about the whole friendless thingy. Did you put her up to it? Did you hiss threats at her, or is that hostility just for show when you're not conspiring? Right now, she is lying on the floor behind me, not acting particularly hungry. Maybe all that friendliness killed her already meager appetite.

And another thing: you're the largest housecat I've ever known. Your size has not escaped you, I'm sure, as you lay on my bed with front legs outstretched and tail straight back. What was your goal -- four feet? Between your size and your voice, you remind me of Mike Tyson. Just don't start acting like him. And don't start acting dopey either, or you will remind me of Snooch from www.twolumps.net. You're already the right color.

Love,
Steve

Hm, masks... I like masks....

Oh, the shame of it. I don't know when's the last time I did this, but I turned in a DVD three days late. Mainly I feel stupid for not realizing that Mirrormask, in its generic casing on the wall of the store's upper level, was a new release and therefore supposed to be rented for two days rather than seven. Good thing it was worth renting in the first place.

To my surprise, the clerk cut the fine down to the equivalent of one day overdue. His stated reason: He was feeling nice. Well, I didn't argue with that, but I wondered what his boss would say.

You know the axiom that nobody ever does anything for just one reason? I'm starting to believe it. Upon further reflection and consultation, the reduced fine makes sense for a few reasons other than generosity. First, I had come into the store to pay the fine instead of just dropping the late DVD in the slot and leaving. Second, it seems like a steep fine to pay $6 on top of the initial $4 rental, even if it works out to a consistent $2 a day. Third, video stores have to compete with the likes of Netflix, so they fear a sharper drop in business if they don't give us breaks.

Speaking of Netflix, I'm finally starting to consider it. Perhaps my big hangup has been my puzzlement on how it makes money.