Poem Week, Part 2: Morning Anagramitis

[deckardcanine]

"Good morning," I said to my co-worker Ty.
Well, that's what I’d thought, but it came out awry.
Right after I spoke, I thought, "What’s going on?"
I sure didn’t mean to call Ty "Grooming Don."

I tried it again but was no more successful:
I said, "Mood ring nog." Man, this moment was stressful.
A third strike ensued with my "Ongoing dorm."
Just how did this happen? It wasn't the norm.

Not wishing to panic, I lowered my eyes,
Unwilling to look for the moment at Ty's.
I took a deep breath and I counted to ten
(No more, as I don’t have the patience for Zen).

"Good morning," I said, and I sighed with relief.
"I hope my next greeting is comp'rably brief.
So sorry to spook you; I’m all sorted now."
And Ty could relate; he said, "Don't have a cow."

Comments

[level-head.livejournal.com]

*chuckle*

Very nice!

You could move the double quote at the end of line #4 to #3 and not harm the sense, while avoiding the tangle of punctuation at the end of #4 currently. Since the narrator is talking to us, only the short thought needs to be quoted to support your scheme.

On #11: Was it "and I counted to ten"?

The last line, "I [can] relate to that" seems a bit strained with the missing word. Perhaps "I can relate to that," said Ty. "Don't have a cow" though this puts an odd stress on RElate.

The concept here is quite clever, and the execution very good.

===|==============/ Level Head

[deckardcanine.livejournal.com]

I applied your first two suggestions and tried an alternative solution for the last line. Thanks!