Limerick Alphabet

[deckardcanine]

There once was a man from Algiers
Who could drink up to 43 beers
Before falling asleep.
When he woke, he would weep
At the puddles that came from his ears.

There once was a man from Belize
Whose coffee was covered in bees.
He said to them, “Shoo,”
But the bees only flew
When he added the magic word, “please.”

There once was a man from Cayenne
Who bobbed in his walk like a hen.
When he walked in the dark,
His poor face left a mark
In a wall, and he said, “Not again.”

There once was a woman from Durban
Who distilled an unusual bourbon
From corn that was sweet
Plus the corns on her feet.
No one drank it, of course—too disturbin’.

There once was a woman from Erie
Whose demeanor was utterly dreary
Till she stood on her head.
Now she’s smiling instead,
With her frown upside down—well, in theory.

There once was a woman from Fiji
Who fended off crooks with a squeegee.
When it wasn’t enough,
She got more cleaning stuff
And would vacuum them up like Luigi.

There once was a woman from Gao
Who nibbled on grass like a cow.
Though it seemed rather wrong,
She became very strong
And was easily pulling a plow.

There once was a man from Helsinki
Who went down the stairs like a Slinky.
Was he hurt in the fall?
He would say, “Not at all—
Well, apart from this scratch on my pinkie.”

There once was a woman from Ipswich
Who carried her things in her lips, which
Left both her hands free.
People had to agree
That it made for a wonderful grip switch.

There once was a man from Jakarta
Who liked to exclaim, “This is Sparta,”
And deliver a kick
Like the guy in that flick,
But in context, it sure wasn’t smart-a.

There once was a man from Kuwait
Who ascended a mountain to skate
All the way to the valley.
‘Twas quite a finale.
Alas, his first turn was too late.

There once was a woman from Lille
Who liked to wear dresses of steel.
Yes, the clothes hardly moved.
That was why she approved,
For her undies were hard to reveal.

There once was a man from Madrid
With a voice that was fit for a kid.
It embarrassed him so,
He decided to go
Far away; now he lives off the grid.

There once was a man from Nairobi
Who wandered the length of the Gobi,
But his pics were rejected
As people suspected
A Photoshop hoax. Thanks, Adobe!

There once was a man from Odessa
Whose eyeballs, by night, would fluoresce-a.
People said he was bright.
He replied, “Is that right?
Then perhaps I should be a professa!”

There once was a man from Poughkeepsie
Who sang like a robin when tipsy.
When a real robin came,
The man reddened with shame.
“Go away, stupid bird; it’s a gyp, see?”

There once was a woman from Quito
Who could move iron weights like Magneto.
Well, she took it too far
When she threw a whole car
At a house just to squish a mosquito.

There once was a woman from Reading
Who wore a mere sheet to her wedding.
She explained with a grin
That she’d really slept in,
So she had to make do with her bedding.

There once was a man from St. Paul
Who lost all his hair every fall.
It grew back in the spring.
An arboreal thing?
That explains why the man was so tall.

There once was a woman from Tripoli
Whose hair was especially ripply.
Many people would swear
It was liquid, not hair,
And she always would wave it quite drippily.

There once was a man from Udaipur
Who tried to be like the Pied Piper,
Drawing out all the rats
From the houses and flats,
But he wasn’t prepared for a viper.

There once was a man from Vienna
Who sprouted a foot-long antenna.
When he learned the transmissions
Appealed to physicians,
He told them to go to Gehenna.

There once was a woman from Warsaw
Who, standing one day at the door, saw
That the sky was dark green,
So she said, “Oh, how keen!
That’s something I never before saw.”

There once was a man from Xi’an
Whose dentures were made of pecan.
When asked, he said, “What?
I just feel like a nut.”
Seems his teeth weren’t the only things gone.

There once was a man from Yreka
Who sprinkled his skin with paprika
Just to spice up his life
(An idea from his wife).
Well, it gave him a certain mystique-a.

There once was a woman from Zurich
Whose perfume of choice was sulfuric,
With a rotten-egg smell
Like it came out of hell.
The most common reaction was pure “Ick!”