Folly of the Faithful Canine

The pizza got its famous name just short of Y1K,
But similar creations sure go back a longer way.
From paintings on some tombs of ancient Egypt, it appears
Their flatbreads could be covered up in cheese; that’s very near.
The Persian soldiers serving under Darius the Great
Were feeding on baked flatbreads that were topped with cheese and dates
And served upon their shields around 500 BCE.
(OK, that might be bogus, but it sure sounds good to me.)
Three centuries would pass; then Marcus Cato (not the younger)
Wrote down a cheesy recipe that’s apt to sate your hunger.
Another thousand years and we get flatbread in Provence
With onions, olives, anchovies—did pizza come from France?
We couldn’t trace the earliest for sure. Regardless, I
For one declare that pizza is my favorite kind of pie.

I’d learned from more than one source that potato chips began
With not-so-good intentions by an irritable man.
A customer complained his fries were soggy, bland, and thick.
The chef had really tried; the comments cut him to the quick.
He chopped potatoes thinly, fried them crisp, and poured on salt,
Assuming that the customer would nonetheless find fault.
Because the chef of legend worked in Saratoga Springs,
The label “Saratoga chips” was added to these things.
Alas, a little research shows the story isn’t true.
Potato chips came long before, and locals surely knew.
The origin’s as boring as most other recipes.
If you would tell the false one, clarify it’s fiction, please.

In the mid-19th century, lobsters were eaten
By paupers and people in jail.
The rich preferred animals raised on the land,
Which would make for a pricier sale.

This started to change in the late 1800s.
Chefs learned to keep lobsters alive
Until it was time they were cooked, so the meat
Remained fresh and the flavor would thrive.

Increasing demand led to rapid decline
In the number of lobsters to find.
Both factors made lobsters a luxury meal
With extravagant prices assigned.

We all know that spinach won’t give us the muscles
Of Popeye, who’s simply cartoony.
In fact, it’s a poor source of iron; relying
On that would, at best, leave us puny.

For decades, the common assumption has been
That the rumor began with a typo:
Around 1890, a decimal point
Got misplaced. Did this start all the hype? No.

Nutritionists botched it before 1870,
Likely without a stray dot.
They may have made errors in methods, including
Some spinach dried up and some not.

I’ll note we can find as much iron in spinach
Per ounce as we’d find in a steak,
But those who eat spinach absorb a lot less.
Guess the error is easy to make.

While carrots can bolster the health of your eyes
With a big dose of vitamin A,
They won’t make your vision work better than normal:
You can’t see by night as by day.

So how was the rumor blown out of proportion?
It flourished in World War II,
When ministers claimed British pilots ate carrots
So night raids were easy to do.

Of course, this was mere propaganda; they meant
To divert any German tactician.
We’re not sure it worked, but the public was fooled
Into buying the whole superstition.

“Beans, beans, the magical fruit”—
That line’s veracity’s been in dispute.
Forget the magic; they’re veggies, right?
Now let’s not be so quick to indict.
Biologists say that all a fruit needs
Is to be a ripe ovary, bearing seeds.
(OK, the last detail might not apply,
As that’s the one seedless grapes defy.)
With that definition, we find that cukes
And pumpkins and squash and (oh gad) zukes
All count as fruits, being types of gourds.
Garbanzos and okra as well. Are you floored?
What else qualifies? Tomatoes and corn,
Avocados and eggplants, sure as you’re born,
Plus olives and peppers of various kinds.
These wouldn’t occur to most people’s minds.
But if you’re absurd enough to decide
To make them a “fruit salad,” I think I’ll hide.

An “entrée” is an appetizer when it’s said in France,
In keeping with its origin apparent at a glance.
To speakers in America, it means a later course.
Just how did we diverge so much from such a clear-cut source?

Around the fin de siècle, we discovered French cuisine
Through diners in New York, whose meals consisted of fifteen
Distinct presented courses (were they small or would we burst?).
The “entrée” came before the roast, but still it wasn’t first.

And then the Great Depression, with some help from Prohibition,
Inspired a thinner beauty standard, yielding a transition
To smaller, simpler meals, but still the restaurants desired
To sound high-class; the “entrée” term persisted unretired.

Ironic’ly, our use of it is closer to its past
Than how it’s used in France today (try not to be aghast).
That said, the term reportedly is heading out the door
As people go for smaller plates like tapas ever more.