Folly of the Faithful Canine

The risk of death increases exponentially with age.
So says the Gompertz-Makeham law, but that’s not always true,
For naked mole rats never reach a geriatric stage,
Unless they do much later than all other rodents do.

The oldest in captivity has died at 39.
A normal mammal of its size could scarcely live to six.
What’s more, the older females still can reproduce just fine.
How do they buck the pattern that biology predicts?

We’ve found that they are very good with DNA repair
And chaperones, the proteins that help other proteins fold.
A change to enzyme cGAS means its presence won’t impair
Genetic damage healing, so the rodents don’t grow old.

That said, there are some markers that result from methylation
To estimate their ages if we look at DNA.
Perhaps these markers point to not decline but preservation.
A sticky acid molecule keeps cancer cells at bay.

Moreover, naked mole rats can resist some types of pain
And live for 18 minutes never taking any breath.
Who knows how many benefits we humans stand to gain
From studying this species or how long we’ll stave off death?

Adolphe Quetelet was a mid-19th-century
Belgian in multiple scientist fields.
He made an eponymous index in search of
The average man as a social ideal.

This index was not called the body mass index
Till nearly a century after he died.
By then, it was favored for medical usage,
In essence a rough adiposity guide.

In light of its origin, one may well wonder
Why doctors still use BMI to this day.
Indeed, many people have said it’s a poor
Rule of thumb that should really be fading away.

For starters, dividing your weight by the square of
Your height makes no sense if you’re not fully flat,
So tall and short people aren’t fairly assessed,
And it makes no distinction twixt muscle and fat.

What’s more, Quetelet based his formula mostly
On data from soldiers of Scotland and France.
It ought to be different for others, especially
Black folks. Do they get called healthy? Fat chance.

A bunch of alternatives have been proposed.
Quetelet even offered a change of his own.
The “new BMI” has a 2.5 exponent,
Scaled to be close to the mean that we’ve known.

The corpulence, Rohrer’s, or ponderal index
Just swaps out the square for a cube. Fair enough?
But tall people tend to be narrow in frame
Next to short folk. Determining fairness is tough.

The BMI Prime compares actual stats with
The threshold beyond which one’s deemed overweight.
Some doctors will focus on visceral fat,
So they measure the waistline (an obvious trait).

A Body Shape Index includes many factors,
The Surface-based Body Shape Index still more.
The modified body mass index has serum
Albumin involved, but don’t ask me what for.

In short, if you don’t trust the most common method,
There’s plenty to choose from for gauging your risk
Of health problems stemming from excess of fat
(Tho some claim the connection just doesn’t exist).

While carrots can bolster the health of your eyes
With a big dose of vitamin A,
They won’t make your vision work better than normal:
You can’t see by night as by day.

So how was the rumor blown out of proportion?
It flourished in World War II,
When ministers claimed British pilots ate carrots
So night raids were easy to do.

Of course, this was mere propaganda; they meant
To divert any German tactician.
We’re not sure it worked, but the public was fooled
Into buying the whole superstition.

For months, my favored arm has had a smaller range of motion.
At first, I thought this sort of thing just came with getting older,
But now a diagnosis has revised my early notion:
Adhesive capsulitis, also known as frozen shoulder.

I don’t know how it happened; I am hardly diabetic
Or otherwise afflicted, and I never had a stroke.
I haven’t been immobilized; I’ve gotten more athletic.
I haven’t needed surgery, and nothing in me broke.

Whatever got it started, let me “capsulize” the issue:
To move, I need a fluid that will lubricate the joint.
Right now, my shoulder capsule (that’s a strong connective tissue)
Has thickened with adhesions, and it’s harder to anoint.

The good news is, my pain’s decreased; perhaps I’ve finished freezing
And now am in the second stage, with thawing on the way.
I’m going to some therapists, who stand to help with easing
Recovery; already I’ve made progress, so they say.