Saturday, 17 January 2026 11:11 pm

Damsels in Distress

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I’m not surprised when people don’t like damsels in distress,
But sometimes the discussion uses language that’s a mess.
In theory, they’re just females who need rescuing by males.
Some speakers add criteria to what the trope entails:
The gal acts helpless even if she’s proven tough before.
She makes no move to save herself but waits for her amour.
She can’t affect the plot except by being a MacGuffin
To motivate the hero while her traits amount to nuffin’.
I see no need to narrow down the meaning of the term,
As regular examples are enough to make me squirm.
What’s more, some folks use “damsel” by itself to mean the sort.
That isn’t what the dictionaries commonly report.
I’d rather use the longer term; let “damsel” mean a lass,
Archaic as it sounds but with an element of class.
Saturday, 25 October 2025 09:36 pm

Igor

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To those who haven’t read it, here’s a detail not well known:
In Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, old Victor worked alone.
He had no lab assistant till the first recorded play,
Presumption, which I doubt is still performed a lot today.
The bumbling servant there was Fritz, who later would appear
Within the film of ’31. To add to viewers’ fear,
He had advanced kyphosis like the dude at Notre Dame.
Dwight Frye, who also worked that year as Renfield (he’s the bomb),
Became a different henchman in the sequel with the bride.
The next two films, however, let Lugosi come in stride
As Ygor, whose deformity resulted when the town
Had hanged him but messed up at it (why was he still around?).
This Ygor was a blacksmith, not a toady in the least.
Indeed, he took control of the reanimated beast.
The later House of Frankenstein had Daniel take the form,
So Universal Studios made hunchbacked aides the norm.
The first assistant Igor, tho, was Warner Bros.’ doing
In House of Wax, a Frankenstein-free film for 3D viewing.
It wasn’t till Young Frankenstein that hunchback Igor came,
And he pronounced it “eye-gore,” so it wasn’t quite the same
As that which has been used in countless parodies to date.
Who knew that a composite’s role in lore could be so great?
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A villain ought to kill his foes as quickly as he can,
Without a last request; he shouldn’t be a sporting man.
He should be nice to minions but watch out for any traitor—
Perhaps a double agent or a wannabe dictator.
His minions should be decent shots and learn to fight en masse.
He’d best not skip important details just ‘cause he’s the boss.
His lair should not accommodate invaders as they hide.
For instance, ventilation ducts should not be two feet wide.
His bounty hunters must be in it only for the money.
He ought to take great caution if he’s looking for a honey.
His outfits should be sensible for him and all his horde.
These tips and more are on the list for evil overlords.
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Stephen Gilberg

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