(no subject)

[deckardcanine]

I have drawn emotionally closer to the poor in the last several months. I listed many reasons to my mom: (1) I will soon be living on my own, (2) it's a not-so-prosperous period, (3) I've been listening to reggae for beat when I exercise, and (4) I've grown extra fond of animals, who tend to live something like the poor. There may also have been the factors that (5) my favorite cartoonists have trouble making ends meet and (6) the uncertainty of life in poverty may make it a little more exciting than wealth. But my mom thought of a reason that should have been blatantly obvious: (7) I am deeply involved in the Roman Catholic Church. One of the few things she likes about this sect in particular is that it puts strong emphasis on charity, in action as well as in word. Maybe I hadn't noticed because it's so ingrained.

But I think I was unwise in my charity last Friday. A man at the metro was asking for a meal. I usually save my cash for musical performers, who earn it. Beggars, I hear, typically either fake their poverty or spend their collected change on booze or other drugs, which do nothing to improve their situation. This man just struck my pity more than usual. My only cash was a set of twenty-dollar bills. Well, I rationalized, he's more likely to get a respectable meal if he gets more cash. Of course, he'd be just as likely to buy a load of the usual junk, and anyway, he'd make a point to target me from then on. I gave him a twenty anyway. He probably will remember, because after a moment he said, "Damn! God bless, you hear?"

If he beckons me again, I will try my politest to tell him that I would not be so generous again. But at least I have the satisfaction of suspecting that I made somebody's day.

Comments

[ashkitty.livejournal.com]

My dad pointed out once, and I agree with him, that he'd rather give money to someone who doesn't actually need it, than not give it to someone who does. So if you can afford the twenty, you know, good for you. You did something good and made somebody's day. :)

I've given restaurant leftovers to homeless people, or bought them lunch. (Back when McDonald's had 39c cheeseburgers on Sundays? You could buy somebody a whole bag of 'em for like two bucks, then they're fed and you feel good.) Besides, I mean, I've been there, you know?

deleted posts

[billis.livejournal.com]

I realized that lj had probably mailed you the posts, so I didn't need to leave them out here hanging around. I am not trying to sass you, I swear!

[deckardcanine.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure what you're getting at, and you make it sound a little creepy, but I don't feel much of anything about it.

Welcome, by the way. I see you have an interest in comics -- swell.

[deckardcanine.livejournal.com]

Your choice of words wasn't so creepy in retrospect, and I figured it wasn't your intent. I'm probably just unaccustomed to new faces -- especially ones as mysterious as your icon -- asking me for introspection or, as I briefly thought, suggesting that I have admitted too much (readers may start asking me for money?). Not that I don't want new faces to show up. Nor do I expect to delete any posts or take discussions to private e-mail, unless they threaten to get very, very long. I could use a Socratic helper, or whatever amiable role you prefer to fulfill as a reponsive reader.

Your assessment of my LJ entry style is lightly reminiscent of feedback on my papers from high school and early college. I hardly notice my impersonal style even when alerted; it's just the way I am. Perhaps it's all my attempt to "avoid" the no-no of egocentrism, or perhaps I'm too uncomfortable with the idea of myself qua self. I trust I make myself obscure?

I doubt that privacy is the issue. There are very few facts about myself that I'm not willing to put out in the open, and most of them simply have to be private (e.g., passwords and card numbers).

I knew the journal to be more self-involved than others I read, tho the "overly" part seemed iffy. I rather planned it that way, on the assumption that almost any information not related to me or those closest to me would be presented better in other places you're likely to find online if that stuff interests you. (Sounds pretty lame, now that I say it....) Perhaps the best way to explain it all is that most social skills have never come naturally to me.

Anyway, to answer your original question, note that my assigned "Current mood" for the post is confusion. Almost without exception, confusion is a very unsavory emotion to me. I want to become decisive on how to handle similar situations from this point onward. The post was designed in part to fish for others' opinions. I also feared a little that it would reduce someone's faith in my intelligence. At the same time, it always feels good for me to write things down, and my correct prediction that this thread would generate positive productive interest left me with a sense of accomplishment.

Ben Franklin is my favorite character from the 18th century. I take no offense.

[billis.livejournal.com]

Appreciations!