The 300 Club

[deckardcanine]

Have you ever heard of the 300 Club?
It began at the Amundsen-Scott South Pole Station.
I’m hardly surprised that American researchers
Founded it; this is the Fahrenheit nation.

When temperatures dip to 100 below,
The participants sit in a sauna a while—
200 degrees for as long as 10 minutes—
Then mosey outdoors wearing only a smile!

OK, you wear boots, but that’s all you’re allowed
As you walk ‘round a pole and head back to the sauna.
Some bystanders help you as needed, for instance,
By giving you alcohol drinks if you wanna.

Perhaps you are thinking, “Why walk and not run?”
Well, you have to move fast before frostbite begins,
But running could cause you to breathe so much cold air,
Your airway would freeze and you’d do yourself in.

The pole that I mentioned is not the true south one:
A mere ceremonial marker, you know.
And now that the club’s not confined to Antarctica,
Other poles often are used just for show.

At times, when the weather’s not nearly that cold,
People make up the difference by turning up heat.
It’s even more dangerous sitting in saunas
That hot; you could pass out or die in your seat.

My sources can’t tell me the size of this club,
But they do say it must be exceedingly small.
I think every member is male (and was bored then).
Regardless, I don’t want to join them at all.