Koopa Troopa

[deckardcanine]

A forumite went looking for a parody of ABBA's "Super Trouper" called "Koopa Troopa," in reference to an anthropomorphic turtle species from the Mario games. He found a lousy one and made an open request for another. I found a second version that wasn't bad but decided to try my hand at it anyway. For the sake of more difference, I focused on the character's role in the Mario Kart series rather than a platform game.

Koopa Troopa, racing in a go-kart,
Drops a big green shell,
Bidding me farewell
As everybody drives pell-mell.

I was nervous when the cup began,
As I started right out in last place.
Couldn’t hear the cheering of a fan,
But I managed to set a fast pace.
In a minute, I had passed most other racers.
Suddenly I hear a sound,
And I know that it means trouble as I skid across the ground,

Because the Koopa Troopa doesn’t have a slow kart.
Using one bright star,
It will travel far,
Not like normal turtles are.

And then the Koopa Troopa, racing in a go-kart,
Fires a big red shell,
Making me unwell.
My injuries are sure to swell.

Facing lava pits and falling stones?
How can any track be so risky?
No one even put up traffic cones.
Was the management drunk on whiskey?
Nonetheless, I plan to gain a golden trophy.
Hear them play my winning theme.
Still, I must remember things here are not always as they seem,

Because the Koopa Troopa doesn’t have a slow kart,
Thanks to that darn star.
This is so bizarre.
We shouldn’t even be on par.

And then the Koopa Troopa, racing in a go-kart,
Fires a big blue shell,
Causing me to yell,
“I wish that you would go to…”

I hope to stand upon the stairs
With other winners; I’ll have mine, and they’ll have theirs.
If I’m not higher than the shorty at my side,
I think I’ll ditch my kart and hitch a ride.

That stupid Koopa Troopa doesn’t have a slow kart.
What a shining star.
This will leave a scar.
I’m feeling like I’m stuck in tar.